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Today’s young people lack independence

Modern employers and college teachers more and more complain about the lack of independence of today’s youth. Even 25-year old boys and girls are not ready to be adult: take responsibility, cope with the problems without others’ assistance, look for extraordinary solutions, etc. They wait for the ready solutions, it is too hard for them to survive their failures, and many of them believe they have some superb abilities at the same time. Hard work is not for them. The representatives of a new generation want to have everything at once. There are many young people who are totally dependent on their parents and do not rush to start their own independent life.

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Why does it happen so? Experts claim that the point is that we (i.e. grown-ups) are the ones to blame because we do not give children freedom. If parents completely control their child’s life and protect him (her) from all the troubles, this child will never learn to be independent. That is why do not wait that an infantile teenager will suddenly grow up when an appropriate time comes.

Parents have never protected their children so much carefully as they do it now. We are trying to do everything possible to make them successful and confident (here is one more way to confidence: However, the result turned out to be opposite. When you praise a child for even insignificant accomplishments, when everything is allowed, constantly say that he (she) is doing great, and you are ready to come to the rescue in any situation (whether this is a conflict with peers or complex home assignment), you go to extremes. Naturally, in such a way, a kid will never learn to be independent and will not understand that it is important to make effort to achieve something.

Another approach to the issue

There is another approach that is also connected with hyper care but it manifests itself differently. The parents, on the contrary, set too many rules, press on their child with their authority, and plan child’s every step. They decide what and when their offspring should do, what college and faculty to choose, and so on. All this hardly can make a person happy and responsible.

If in both cases children become unadapted to adulthood, what can we do about this? Experts advise looking for the golden middle. There are four basic styles of upbringing:

  • indifferent,
  • allowing,
  • dictatorial,
  • and authoritative.

Indifferent is the worst option: parents do not take care of their child at all. Allowing and dictatorial (which we have just discussed) do not lead to something good. We want to discuss an authoritative style in more detail.

The authoritative style of upbringing supposes that parents treat the feelings of their child carefully and allow him (her) to act independently. At the same time, they set strict but fair rules. The adults who apply such a method never say: “Because I say so!”. Instead, they explain why they have made such a decision and they are also ready to compromise, if necessary.

All this helps a child develop the self-control skill that is very important in adult life. Modern researchers claim that this skill influences the fact whether a person becomes successful or not. They also explain how to teach a teenager to control oneself. Here are three main rules:

1. Show your love. Do not be embarrassed to tell your child about your feelings, give him (her) much care, help trust in him(her)self. Take an active part in his (her) life, ask about what is going on. Be an understanding interlocutor who is ready to listen and support. However, do not give ready solutions because an adolescent should find them on his (her) own. Try to ask suggestive questions: “How would you deal with the problem? Alright, and what else can de done?”.

2. Set the rules. Nothing will work without them because, otherwise, a child will not understand what behavior is unacceptable. Express your expectations as much clear as possible. Do not say: “You must clean your room”, but “Wipe the dust, wash the floor, put the textbooks in order, and put the dirty things in the laundry basket”. All your expectations should be logic and fair. Do not be afraid to discuss them with your child and listen to his (her) opinion. Sometimes, a child can be punished (if really deserves this) or you can compromise. If a child violates a rule, you use a punishment but not too strict. It is never allowed to beat, yell, humiliate, or express anger excessively in any other way.

3. Gradually loosen control. When a child becomes older, allow him (her) to act more independently, give him (her) more freedom. Let your child learn to control him(her)self without your help. Praise for the efforts, not for the results and personal qualities. In case of failure, emphasize the points that a child has done well and discuss that can be done differently the next time.

These three principles work only in combination with each other. Permissiveness does not let a child develop the skill of self-regulation, as well as a total control from the parents’ part. You also cannot achieve much without love and understanding.

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By the way, we have been talking a lot about our blog and its helpful posts. You can check out a couple of them right now:

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